Insane

I haven't blogged much lately.

I had a week that was full of crazy making the SAH. It was so exhausting and lasted far too long. I let it take up so much time that I am honestly behind on many things. My poor children get to be right in the middle of it all.

I will cut to the end as you all can just insert DRAMA, sex addiction, a codie and you know how it goes. The end is that he filed which really pissed me off on so many levels. He wants 50/50 on the kids. He has never made a decision when it comes to our children and I mean never. He wants us to split our debt 50/50 which is nuts. He makes $15 more that I do an hour. And he has no right to file I should have had that joy - I think. And then the realization that I am stuck with this jackass for the rest of my babies lives just about made me totally lose it. The thought of listening to his lies and having my children affected by his insanity was just so much.

However I am now fine with it. I do not believe that any judge would give him 50/50 as far as the babies go nor let him make decisions. I am not a victim and I have a job that I can pick up shifts whenever I want for extra cash. I will make it fincancially and I will provide for myself and my children.

So he was truly nuts for a good week there - it was awful. So awful I seriously considered getting an ex parte to keep him away from the kids. My lawyer said that was an option as his behavior was that erratic. Now this week he bought me a fucking lawn mower. Really, a lawn mower. He even mowed the yard.

So now I wait, wait for the next round, wait for whatever truth or hideous action he is trying to cover up or mow over. :)

I don't want a lawn mower, I want peace.

I need to find a meeting to go to - it is so easy to just survive right now as that is truly about all I feel capable of. I haven't gone to my therapist as my insurance is fighting covering it. I haven't picked up any of my workbooks. I have just been drowning in a murky lake that I clearly jumped right in knowing exactly what would happen. Amazing how quickly I got off track.

At least I don't have to mow the lawn. Hey maybe he will buy me a new washer and dryer and he can wash the heeps of laundry I keep ignoring.