Courage Required

I am not one of those women that enjoy self help books, taking about all my issues, romance, or even feelings for that matter. I am strong in many ways however I am a coward when it comes to feeling. I lived most of my life running from adversity. I was not taught how to deal or cope with life, I was taught how to avoid it. This was not a choice for me in my younger years. My family was incredibly fucked up, addicted, avoidance junkies, and neglectful. I however left early and continued on the same path in many ways. I used drugs, sex and geographical changes to alter my reality.

Clearly I still struggle with some of these core issues that I have always relied on to survive.

I can no longer continue on this path, it is far to painful. I fear it will end me, I fear I will pass this shit all on to my babies.

I am unwilling to continue on this path. I will do self help, I will talk about my issues, I am in therapy and I will learn to feel with out self destructing.

My husband who I will from now on refer to as SAH (sex addict husband) is unwilling to get help. He does not want to stop. He won't stop for himself and finds no motivation in his love for his children. I can no longer allow him to impact me and my life. I can no longer blame him for my misery.

This is my journey.