Easter Sunday

The night before easter my boys were up all night so around 8am I asked my husband to get up so I could get some sleep. He did.

I woke a couple hours later to an empty house. I got online to check some e-mails and for some reason I decided to snoop, to check the history. I clicked on a obvious adult matchmaking website that my husband had been on and discovered 32 e-mails my husband had sent from 8-9am to various women asking for no strings attached sex. He had a picture of himself from the chin down on his profile along with his cell phone number. His profile said he was seperated and that he did not care about looks he just wanted some fun.

I lost my mind that day. I found myself that day.

I called the only people that I truly valued and got a plan together. I called a battered womens shelter to complete my plan. I found a lawyer. It was Sunday and a few hours later my husband and my children arrived home. I pretended for the next 3 days that I didn't know a thing.

That evening my husband suggested we get a family potrait done. He expressed his love for me and talked about a family vacation. He got on the internet.

I had to work the next day so off I went to pretend some more.

That evening was much a the same. He sees us as a happy family and he got on the internet. Meanwhile I collected evidence and secured the evidence. I gathered my children's records and all of my important papers. I hid a bag of clothes for all of us. And I waited and listened to more of his lies, more of his sickness.

I was so disgusted by him. I began sleeping in my clothes, I couldn't stand the thought of touching him.

I finally went to the lawyer and he suggested I wait to confront him. He wanted me to collect more evidence. I couldn't do it. I was scared as the man I loved was clearly living 2 lives, I didn't know what he would do. I thought he may hurt us which is why I was prepared for that.

When I confronted him I told him I had proof, I told him the lawyer had copies of all of it including all of our important documents. I told him I was done.

He blamed me, blamed the children, blamed the lack of sex, blamed the debt, blamed me quitting my job and going to school. He blamed everything outside of himself. He had no accountability.

I thought before that moment that I couldn't be more disgusted. I was wrong. I was so repulsed by this man. I did not even recognize him. I felt like I was choking. Choking on all of the lies I had told myself over the past few years. The lies that I needed to believe in order to stay in this marriage. This marriage that was empty, this marriage that made my days of being single seem so full no not lonely. I choked on the fact that I was now married to man I did not know. That my life was one big fucking lie. Choking on the fear of what would happen to my babies. Choking on the thought of having to see them, of having to pretend some more.