Feeling Lighter

Last night the boys and I went shopping and I was delighted to find Christmas stuff out already. I totally had a touch of sadness thinking of putting the tree up and going through all the decorations and not talking about the memories with my husband like we usually do. And then I felt excitement and freedom.

The boys and I picked out a few things and I just had hope.

I feel like my faith is strengthening and I am feeling lighter.

Of course DB has a radar for these things so as soon as I got home the texts began and all his nonsense started.

For a second I felt sorry for myself and then I decided to live in the moment, to be true to myself and to let go.

It was total nonsense and it wasn't worth it. He texted all day again and I just ignored him. I spoke to the boys tonight and then got off the phone with him without being rude.

If I want freedom I have to make it happen now. He is not going to change. I am. My expectations are changing and I will learn to adapt and be flexible to whatever he throws at me. As he no longer has power over me. And when it feels like this situation is suffocating me I will look at me.

I am responsible for me. I am responsible for my babies.