Case Dismissed

Obviously my last little session in court went well... for me.

Honestly it was a dramatic day. I was mortified and humiliated that I had to go. Once there I was mortified and humiliated for human kind and for participating in the human experience.

I am not into judge shows and jerry springer makes me feel anxious and hostile the second it is on. With that said, the only comparison I can make is a cross between judge judy and jerry springer.

I was in the front row and quickly figured out by the podiums, microphones and standing room only for petitioners and respondents that nothing would be private.

I must admit I was more concerned over what I would hear rather what others would hear about me.

My first moment of fear that day came when a married couple stood in front of the judge arguing about what they considered idle threats of killing each other and their children. One apparently had a recording of the other.

My next fear filled moment occurred when I laid eyes upon a developmentally delayed mother who was trying to get a restraining order against her husband as she believes he has figured out a way to continue to abuse their daughter during supervised visitation.

Then of course a soldier sat next to me who was just beside himself with emotion. He would talk to me without really expecting me to say anything however his closed remarks became more and more disturbing. He escalated so far that I finally made him tell me if he had a therapist and made him point out the people he was with whom were escorting him back to treatment.

Next, much to my happiness we were all relocated to the row behind as a prisoner was being escorted in the court room shackles and all.

Then my shining moment. At this point DB has had two opportunities to drop this ridiculous order. And he has not done so.

DB did not bring his lawyer. That would be the same lawyer who told him to not do any of this beginning with the ER visit.

I brought mine.

DB plead his case. He sounded pathetic.

My lawyer pounded him. I did not say a word the entire trial.

My, it was amusing. My lawyer just totally annihilated him.

And to top it all off for me, the judge laughed at him.

Case Dismissed!

More Fucking Drama

So I am off to court again. I was served on Thursday. Apparently DB attempted to get an order of protection so I could not go near my oldest son. This all stems back to his ridiculus abuse allegations. Now I have to go speak to the judge.

I think he must have forgotten that he filed this and that we were going back to court. You see, this was supposed to be his second weekend in a row with the boys yet he offered for me to have them the entire weekend. And yes we have had a great weekend.

Fucking moron. Someday this drama will stop and I am sure I will feel akward will all of the free time and peace I have.

:) Seriously you have got to laugh!

Final?

I am divorced! We had a full out ugly trial as DB refused to settle. It did not go well for him. I didn't get what I wanted totally however I did get what was fair and reasonable and as I expected better for me then the settlement we proposed.

I had a strange feeling that day, it didn't feel final. It felt like the calm before the storm.

And it was.

DB got the kids the next afternoon and raced my oldest son to the ER over an accidental scratch and I am talking surface, three days old, never even bled scratch. He then opened up child abuse allegations against me at the hospital. Which of course went no where as it was ridiculous.

He then took my son to three different police departments until the last agreed to hot line me again. Which went again nowhere.

He wouldn't let me have them back, he kept them from daycare and stopped answering my calls. For 16 hours I had no idea where my children were. It was horrifying.

Horrifying!

Things have settled a bit since then. He fired his lawyer when his lawyer strongly encouraged him to not do any of that insanity.

He totally lost it and he now pretends it didn't even happen. Crazy stuff.

He was in contempt. We are just waiting for his next move and then we will take him back to court.

I am hoping he gets help and stops this nonsense.

I met with a therapist last week and really liked her. I will see her weekly. I am so ready and afraid to focus on me.

Unfortunately for me I have to let the boys stay with DB for the entire month. It is hard although he is back to playing nice however he is unable to maintain it for long and ends up acting crazier.

I feel for him, I really do. I can't imagine what it is like inside that head. I am scared for him, well, for all of us really. I truly hope he finds his way.

One of my top goals is figuring out how to deal with him in a way that is healthy for me and in a way that keeps me under the radar. When he hurts me it hurts my kids. I just hope I can get his focus off of me without compromising myself. My therapists thinks we will be able to figure that out.

I have some clarity right now, I am seeing some connections that I haven't seen before. It is like the fog in my head cleared once I had the judges ruling on my side. I see so much of how I ended up here. It hurts and I have some serious healing to do. I am willing to accept some of these connections, some of these faults or defects in a way I have never been able to before.

I feel like working on letting him go while finding a way to deal with his crazy will allow me to also have time and energy to work on me. I do believe I can do these at the same time. And I must as he is not going away and god knows he can take up so much time and energy if I allow it.

So hopefully this is a new chapter for me. For my boys. And for DB. I pray he heals, I pray he finds his way.

But mostly I pray for myself and my amazing boys.