No Control

I think what messes with me the most is my complete and total lack of control. My SAH is nuts, my children are completly impacted and I can't do anything about any of it.

Here I am. I am trying to mind my business. I am trying to let go, stay away from what he is doing or not doing. It is hard however I can no longer take part in this drama. This is his choice not mine so I am removing myself entirely.

He keeps saying stuff to engage me in conversation regarding our relationship or his addiction, I respond enough to not be rude. I don't want to talk about it.

There is nothing to talk about. He won't get help, I am done! There is no us until there is a whole him and a whole me and we got a long ways to go. He won't even begin to heal and I am dabbling in it at this point. I am trying however I seem to waiver and fall back on my maladaptive skills. They are so easy to use. I have another appointment with the therapist this weekend at least that is healthy.

Well at this point I only expect to continue to battle myself, to go back and forth between healthy and self destructive so whatever here I am.