Am I Breathing

I have never been emotionally mature. Feelings are a chore for me. All the work I have done in my own recovery and on myself has all centered around the fact that I am not interested in feelings. Hell my own addiction fed off this fact.

So here I am in the storm and I feel like I am drowning most of the time. I am so overwhelmed at the task of simply acknowledging my feelings that I often just shut down and trudge ahead. Add the crazy fucking X (whom I have renamed DB) and I just can't keep my head above water. I need a break from the insanity.

However I know the break will only come after I have done the work.

I am so tired.