Clarity god how I need it.
DB is just not letting up on his games. I feel like I am going to just lose my mind.
Seriously, how long is this going to last we have been seperated for almost 7 months and he is still so awful. He is using the kids to mess with me. He says he is pulling my oldest out of the private school. He goes to the private school cause we are in a terrible district. OMG he is in fucking kindergarten are you kidding me.
You know what - I get it, my focus is supposed to be on me but what I am supposed to do with all this. How do I fight this sick, sick, self serving, cruel man who uses my children as pawns.
It just doesn't end, he never quits.
The thought of my baby switching schools in the middle of this ugly divorce just makes me sick. Especially when it is all thrown at me as a threat. If I don't give up more of my time with them then he will take them out of school.
I am calling my lawyer tomorrow but I seriously don't know how I can keep doing this. I just can't live like this.
I am so grateful for my children but I totally regret the day I ever laid eyes on this monster.
I feel so bad for my kids they are so confused. I am so scared of them getting damaged by this, by him.
My oldest drew a family picture, it was of me and him and his baby brother. They told me that we should move to California where my family is and that it is alright if they don't see their dad.
They are babies and they know, they know who he is.
I am so sad and I am so scared of what he will do next.
I am just going to pray and cry and pray and cry. Okay seriously I am begging now for some answers, some hope, something to hold on to.
We are the Gatherers.....
9 months ago
That sounds so hard. All you want is to protect your kids and have peace and it seems out of reach. My worst time concerning my children (other than now) was when I was pregnant with my son and my daughter was 7. It was the most hellish time of my life. I felt so vulnerable, trapped, and afraid for them. This verse really brought me comfort: "He will feed his flock like a shepherd, he will gather the lambs in his arms, he will carry them in his bosom, and gently lead those that are with young." Isaiah 40:11 To me, it meant that God saw me as a vulnerable mother and would provide for me and gently lead me in the right direction with Him.
ReplyDeleteI hope you get custody. Have you thought of secretly recording your conversations with him when he is using the kids as pawns like that?
For me, it helps me to share my feelings with my higher power (who happens to be Christ) and then give the feelings to Him. And then I am able to focus on what I can control, and leave the rest to Him. I know that if I continue to do this, my path will still be difficult, but He makes it firm.
Although I know my kids are going through so much right now, I really believe that having atleast one stable, loving parent goes a very very long way. You are doing a great job, and like you screen name, I can see you courage and love.
That sounds awful. I'm so sorry he is messing with you like this. To do that to his kids-- wow. He takes the sex addict asshole cake, doesn't he?
ReplyDeleteMy sister has custody of her oldest child from her first husband. He's also a manipulative, controlling ass. She still uses the notebook she used years ago to write down every single interaction both she and my niece have with him. It's a 'just in case,' should he ever try to get custody. She even writes down how often he calls my niece-- because seriously, it's like once every three weeks-- and how long the phone calls are. Same with visits-- is he late? Does he cancel last minute? All to have a record of the kind of father he actually is. She's doing it to protect my niece--because you just never know. I agree with Caroline's idea too.
It was really hard when she was fighting for custody because he brought in his mother who swore that my sister was on drugs. Hilarious-- she'd just come out of radiation treatment for cancer.
They said awful things about her.
But she held her head high--- and got what she wanted. You can't fake integrity and the judge saw through her asshole husband.
I'm hoping the same holds true for you.
There's gotta be a way to make you the one with custody and school decisions. It's so sad, because the kids don't even sound like a factor for him-- he's just trying to hurt you, even though you've already been hurt so deeply.
You can get through this and move on. He has to live with himself, and it sounds like he deserves too.
Keep hanging on.
Thanks to both of you, it is just so comforting to know that there are people out there that get it.
ReplyDeleteI am feeling better. Still confused on how to move forward regarding the divorce. Played phone tag with my lawyer however he did leave me a voice mail with some action items. So I will get to work.
Thanks again ladies. You rock!