These Addicts

Oh my, so DB and I have been getting along lately. My take on it is I need to be nice for the boys, it is easier and I also go back to what I learned in nursing school: people don't sue people they like! Haha now that is funny. Remember I have been to court 3 times in a matter of 4 months.

So lalala we are getting along. Except he just keeps trying to get deeper and deeper in there. He is reaching out more, he talks about his psychiatrist, his meds, his girlfriend, his physical problems. Now you have to understand he is good, he talks fast with very little connection between sentences so it is possible for him to rattle all of this off and before I know it I am in. Ugh, I hate it. I so don't want to spend my free time talking with him. Well this goes on for a few weeks and then I finally had enough. I kept trying to figure out a way to appease him while getting him away from me however I was not successful.

I finally just confronted him. I told him I couldn't handle the burden of his life any longer, that he was not my husband. I told him I never expected him to be there for me and that I have a life that he knows nothing about because I do not share with him as he is not my husband. He was so pissed, he hung up on me. He was rude and short when we had to talk about the boys. I told him I was sorry for hurting his feelings but that we needed boundaries and this was mine.

You know I am finally realizing that I have to pay a price when it comes to him no matter what so I might as well be true to me first. It won't get better, he won't get better. He has done so much damage and truly attempted to destroy me why not just let go of the what ifs, let go of treating him like a fragile piece of rare (insert whatever) let's make sure we don't wake the beast. You know that isn't my life anymore I choose to get out of that. I woke up one day and decided I was done. Now I get to live my life, I don't walk around uncomfortable for anyone, I don't make life pretty for anyone. I am real and my life is honest and raw just the way I like it.

On a side note I am applying for a masters program in my field. Wow, I am nuts. Here is the deal, I want an advanced degree, I love my field, I love business, I will be able to combine the two, I will earn double what I am earning now, I have to support my children and cannot count on DB, my life is not going to get easier and the number one reason is I want this. I can do it, I have proven over and over again that I can do anything.

Courage