Stuck In The Mud

I heard this expression recently and while I thought it sounded a bit on the red neck side - I totally related. This is exactly how I feel.

I don't want to be stuck. I see what is around me and I want it. I want to fulfill my dreams, to live my life. However I am stuck in the mud.

No matter how badly I want out, I am stuck. I am unable to move.

Twice in my life I have been stuck in the mud like this. The first time centered around my dads death.

The second centered around my baby's health crisis that lasted far too long and began at his birth.

Both times I had to take medication. Both times I went off it.

I am going to the doctor on Tuesday.

I have tried again and again to pull myself out of this and I am still stuck.

I do not want medication however it is absolutely necessary.

I just can't stand here in the mud watching my life pass. I want to live my life, I want to be true to myself, I want to be all the things I know I can be however I cannot do that stuck in the mud.